Secrets

by Annscalf

Disclaimer: Danny and all the other characters of Tour of Duty belong to Zev Braun.

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Danny was having one of his bad nights. Lately he had been getting better; especially as the heroin had finally worked its way through his system. When he had seen the doctor that afternoon, he had told him that he had gained almost ten pounds back. It was just trying to sleep that was giving him so much trouble. Danny sighed and rolled over yet again, he knew what was causing the restless nights and it wasn't the withdrawal. It was trying to figure out a way to tell Jamie what had happened and why he had disappeared without trying to contact her.

// Yeah, right // he thought, she was going to understand what had happened. And she was going to be able to understand (let alone forgive) his killing that little boy too.

But she had been supportive and caring when Baker's girlfriend had broken down. She hadn't accused her of being weak or stupid, just been there for Julie whenever she had needed her. Mostly writing letters and weekly phone calls but according to Scott it had helped a lot. And Jamie loved him. He knew his girl at least enough to know that she took that real seriously. She wasn't going to abandon someone she loved because of a stupid mistake, or even several stupid mistakes.

So okay, he would tell her. Tomorrow. And pray real hard that she wouldn't be disgusted with him for it.

That was when he caught sight of the letter on his nightstand. The last letter that she had written to him before, well before this whole mess started. There was nothing particularly special about this letter, it was one of her typically newsy, gossipy, funny letters that always brought him so much pleasure and made mail call something that he actually looked forward to. What made this letter the one that he kept close was the way she had signed it – Your Jims. It was the first one that she had signed like that.

He picked it up and looked at that sign off yet again – Your Jims – his girl that would at least try to understand and stick with him until she did. He had wanted her to be his Jims since he had first set eyes on her and the only way that he was going to keep her was if he didn't keep any secrets from her. So he would tell her his secrets and hope that she would see past their sordidness and would forgive him any way.